I have been in youth ministry for many years. Therefore, I have been asked by parents and those who want to work with teenagers for some keys to raising healthy young people. Although, I by no means claim to have any magical answers, I have come up with 4 principles that I think can at least aid us as we pass on God’s love to the next generation. For the sake simplicity, I have used four T words to help us keep these organized. Please read them and give thanks to God for the areas where He has given you grace. And if you find areas in which you are struggling, don’t give up, but rather, repent and ask Jesus to give you the grace to do the right thing. His grace is amazing and anything we do right is simply through His strength.
Here are the four areas for you to contemplate:
Teach We need to actually, literally teach our teenagers. That means saying specific things about a specific topic. Tell them how you do something, tell them why you do it. Talk to them about the lessons you have learned. Just as you would teach someone a subject in school or a trade on the job, teach them how to live life. We do not accidently learn how to balance a checkbook or cook a great meal – no – someone must teach us. Please be consciously doing this to the young people in your life. Look for the right moments to do this, those teachable moments that God provides. We don’t teach all the time or people will tune us out. We teach at the right time, when someone is ready to listen. Ask Jesus to give you those moments and the discernment to recognize them.
Train I classify this as the non-verbal instruction. This is happening 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You do this with nothing less than your life. We are constantly training the people around us. This is an area where we have to be continually evaluating our own lives. Ask yourself, what am I training my child to be? Do I want them to emulate me? Your desire should be that others would act like you as you act like Christ. And if you are not acting like Christ then you need to repent and begin acting differently.
I have talked to some parents who hope their children don’t behave like them. I get terribly disturbed by that way of thinking. The child will naturally be like the parent. Therefore, the parent must realize this truism and then embrace it with fear, awe and gladness. We should want our children to be like us. If not, then we as parents need to ask Jesus to change our thinking and our lives.
Touch This is the most controversial T that there is, and it certainly is one of the most significant. The devil has totally stolen genuine touch and lied to us about what it is. Because of some of the horrible things that have happened with sexual harassment and abuse, we have literally taken a “hands off” approach to touching our young people. This is the worst thing we could do. All people desperately need to be touched and teenagers are especially in need of this. Because of that need, they will get touched by someone. I am convinced that one of the reasons for all the sexual promiscuity out there is because we have ignored healthy physical contact with our kids. We as followers of Jesus must show them what loving, godly touch is all about. Hug your kids, put your arm around their shoulders, wrestle with them, but please don’t stop touching them. They desperately need your “hands on” approval.
Time This last one is the most obvious. We can say all we want about how much we love our kids and how important they are to us, but if we are not spending time with them all our words mean nothing. What are we telling our kids about their value? Look no further than where you are spending your time. I get a lot of “after hour” phone calls because of my job. Recently, I was playing with Zachary, my 3 year old son. We were having a great time when the phone rang. He said, “No Daddy, don’t answer it.” In that moment I was going to tell him by my actions what was valuable.
Why are youth pastors at so many school functions? Because they are telling their teens that they are valuable. One of my youth pastor friends was at a musical and a parent sitting next to him asked him which one was his kid. He said, “that one and that one and that one and that one and that one.” By being there he was telling each one of those young people that they were the most important thing for those 2 hours. Please take note of where you are spending your time. Obviously, we do not have control over every hour of the day as there are many obligations each of us must fulfill. But consciously be aware of the absolute fact that our time will declare loudly what is valuable to us.
I do not write this to condemn you or make you feel guilty about your life. Rather, I want to encourage you to continue on in the good things you are doing, and to give you hope that Jesus can overcome our faults (we all have them) and mold us into the person He can use to train the next generation to be like Him.